Monday, 6 June 2016

The Baroness’s Bump on the Head

By THL Ulvar van der Nederlanden
Sometimes when you hear a story you wonder the truth of it. Many a person will retell a tale with their own variation on the facts. I am here to set the record straight. I have a story and can state that this is the truth as I was the Baronial Herald and it was my job to record important information. To insure that those who needed to know would have the information, I would be the one to investigate and to insure I had all the information those that needed to know knew.

Long ago there was a Flaming Jewel within the Lands of Septentria. So great was her passion and skill that she was a fighting Baroness in these lands. She commanded the troops of Septentria with a devious smile that those who beheld her vision knew she was up to something. But whatever that something might be would be enjoyed and most entertaining. Especially to her.

While down south in the debatable lands there was Pennsic War. The Baroness had gathered her troops and marched down to join in to the fray. She brought with her, easily half of Ealdormere’s army that year with nearly three dozen fighters and two dozen archers.

The Septentrian fighters would protect their Baroness with such zeal that she took pleasure to command them from the field.

But on one dreadful day a polearm was lucky enough to fell this mighty Baroness.

Let me assure you all, that she was fine for the most part. The fighters swarmed to her protection and the chiurginate brought aid within moments of her being struck.

As for the person who wielded the polearm, well, he was not so … um…. Fortunate.

You see the good gentle with the polearm was one of her Excellency’s own warriors. Furthermore he hit her after the battle had been won. He was even so brazen as to hit her in the head. And, she was not wearing a helmet at the time.

Now as I said she was fine. For the most part. But it seems that this blow had caused her to have problems with memory loss. We were assured that she would recover completely and that this was only a temporary condition. But for the next few days she did make some odd claims and requests and kept all of her staff and protectors on their toes.

The most glaring example of this would come on the night when Septentrian court was held at Pennsic. Now I know you must be wondering how could Septentria hold court while in the Debatable Lands?

Long is the tradition that Septentrians would bring with them the earth of Septentria to the Debatable Lands. They would bring rocks, dirt, twigs, leaves and whatever else they might find on the ground at home. This would then be spread out on the ground under the Septentrian thrones so that her Excellency would be on Septentrian lands while her court was being held.

As an example of this memory problem, I now invite you to hear what happened at court. And I remind you, I was the Baronial Herald and as such had a good view, and was at her side during the entire court.

Most of the court business was fairly plain. The giving of arm rings, Bear’s Hearts and Bear’s Claws. But at one point her Excellence asked me to make a special request. And so I did my duty, in a clear voice I asked “Now requested into court is Lord Odd’s …. Mug.”

Now to be clear, Lord Odd was a fine gentle and he had a mug of some repute. To give you a vision of the mug if you took a salad bowl and put it on a pedestal you would not have a mug as large as Lord Odd’s. I have heard that the closest that anyone could come to describing it is as being the size of a punch bowl with a goblet base upon which it stood. And it was entirely made of pottery, so it weighed a fair bit.

And it could hold a half dozen “beers” within it, with ease. It was reported that it could hold as much as one dozen if you filled it entirely.

When Lord Odd’s mug was brought into court, by Lord Odd of course, the gathering had to wonder as to why pottery was being requested into court.

Once Lord Odd’s mug arrived her Excellency dipped her mug into Lord Odd’s mug and refilled her beer.

As I stated, she was having memory issues and was making ‘Odd’ requests.

But that was not the only one and, in my opinion, paled in comparison to the request she made of the warrior with the polearm.

Upon her cue, I invited into court that fine gentle.

“Now requested to come forth before her Excellency is his Lordship…I mean her Lordship… um his Ladyship…. er her Ladyship …. uh Redmund.”

During the days between the blow that struck her Excellency and the night of Court it seems that her Excellency was delighted to hear that Lord Redmund would be attending court in a dress. Feeling guilty for striking her Excellency, and in an effort to appease her, he decided to get a dress and wear it on the eve in question.

Now I will admit to being a little fuzzy on the next part as when Redmund walked into court he stepped not before her Excellency, but walked straight up to me and planted a kiss on my lips. I was stunned and fainted for a mere moment. Luckily the ground under me was soft. But, I was alert enough to hear her Excellency assure Lord Redmund that she seemed to have recovered enough that she forgave him his transgression.

And I am pleased to say that Her Excellency has gone on too much greater glory and has graced the Kingdom of Ealdormere as our Queen on more than one occasion.

Although, every so often she does make special requests, and they could still be considered a little odd.

The Baroness of this Story is now Queen Adrielle
The Baronial Herald and author is THL Ulvar

And yes, like most stories, it is all true.

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